Tuesday, August 31, 2010
See Ya
So two people approached me this week to say they came to the “open house” last week to see me and only to see me. When they were told I was out sick, they said they turned around and left because they wanted nothing to do with anyone else. One girl actually said, Manager Mistress never speaks to her so she wasn’t interested in sticking around to wish her well.
I’m trying not to get a big head, but I’m getting a lot of love from a lot of folks. A few in my own department (sans Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde or Mean Specialist Mistress) and a lot from other departments. They mention how I was so helpful and polite and sociable — speaking, smiling, positive and how it’s been nice to have someone around who was like that. “A person so special,” one girl put it.
And speaking of Manager Mistress, she told me the day after she signed her retirement papers that she’d wasn’t planning on retirement just yet, but she had talked to her family and told them, “If Shirley is not there, I don’t want to be there.” I didn’t take that statement 100% serious. I figured there might be some grain of truth to it, because though Manager Mistress has been mean to me at times by taking her anger at others out on me, and though she has failed to protect me from abuse by her subordinate the Mean Specialist Mistress, I know she did care for me, but I doubted my impending non presence was the deciding factor in her retirement. But, today, one of the Maintenance Workers told me they’d just talked to Manager Mistress, wished her well and Manager Mistress told her the reason she took retirement was because I was leaving. WOW.
Today was Manager Mistress’ last day. We hugged when she left, but it was awkward for me because I still have that wall around me that went up when she went ballistic back in May and was awful to me for almost an entire month. I shut down and stopped speaking to her during that period. I was sad and weepy and attributed it to feeling like I’d lost something. Lost someone. Lost a friend. I recalled the bible verse, “Put not thy faith in Princes, neither in man whose breath is in his nostrils.” And I took that to mean the hurt I was feeling was my own darn fault, because I had allowed myself to form too close an attachment to Manager Mistress and that I should have known never to allow myself to trust or be that attached to another human being because human beings always turn on you. So, once she’d moved beyond her mean period, I had learned my lesson and I was over it. Over her and just never came back. So as she was saying her goodbye, she said, “We’ll see each other again. In fact, we definitely will,” but something inside me knows we won’t because I won’t allow it.
One more day of work before I slide the chute. After that, I don’t know where I’m going or what I will be doing, but whatever is in my future, Manager Mistress will not be a part of it.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Didn’t Suck
So today did not go as badly as I had prepared for. Instead of attitude from Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde, I got normal. Just business as usual. And I got cooperation. He actually signed what I needed him to sign without getting on his high horse and saying or asking silly $hit.
I learned today Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde may possibly get hit with another employee sliding the chute. Mean Specialist Mistress is interviewing at another agency. I’m sure she’s going to apply for the position Manager Mistress is vacating, but I understand the job she “really wants” is at this other agency. So, I’ll just know Divine Right Action for her on that. Her destiny is either to continue to play the game with Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde, which is going to get harder and harder to maintain the facade she’s adopted for smoozing him and not lose her mind because he will test your sanity, or her destiny is to get the position at the other agency and cause those employees who are so unlucky as to have to deal with her to lose THEIR minds, as she too can test the sanity of others.
I just hope Mean Specialist Mistress does not have lead over any Black people if she gets the position at the other agency because, judging by how she told one of our drivers that she “could not stand” me because I “didn’t know my place” and judging by how she informed our direct report, Manager Mistress, that she was “going to break” me and judging by how she put a lot of effort into trying to do so, I’d have to say Mean Specialist Mistress has a Plantation Mentality and expects Black people to be weak, ignorant, submissive and dependent. And if you are intelligent, capable and self-motivated then woe be unto you because she interprets that as not knowing your place and it then becomes her mission to show you that place and put you in it.
So good luck whichever way it goes. But if I had a choice for Mean Specialist Mistress, it would be to get the other position so Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde will lose the last remaining member of the Contracts team. He will rehire and replace all of us for sure, but it’s only going to take 3 to 6 months before the newcomers wise up and begin to lose the desire to live.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
3 Days – 1 Monday
To go before I am off the Plantation. I won’t be actually retired until September 7th, but I work Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday then I’m on vacation until the 7th. It would be financially beneficial for me to work up to the last day, as I will get paid for vacation days still on the books, but the work environment is just so draining that I need out ASAP. I also had to sacrifice two sick days I would have been paid for as I did call in ill on Thursday, the day of the “Open House” honoring my retirement and the retirement of the Manager Mistress, and I phoned in sick on Friday just to show Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde that I’m not taking any crap from him. I did hear from coworker girl that the atmosphere in the department was “tense,” and that Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde had an “attitude” towards her, as though it was her fault I called in.
Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde is kinda crazy I’ve deduced. He’s so busy hiding his true self to those outside the department, and so afraid he’s going to be found out, that his behavior is often that of a rat in a maze, just running hither and fro doing things that make no sense. Plus I think his medication might be an attributing cause to his often frantic behavior. I attribute his “rat in a maze” thing to the fact that I had two missed messages from him on my cellphone the day I called in ill. I did not hear the phone ring, but got a beep and saw one call logged in at 11:01, the other at 11:04. He left no message, did not call again and, since it was the first time I’ve been sick this year, and since he acts as though I don’t matter in the office, why he would find it necessary to call me does not compute. At any rate, I’m expecting the worse from him tomorrow, but I’m ready and not afraid to tell him 1) He no longer fools me 2) I hope he felt the total fool and was as hurt when I did not show up for my own party as I felt when he laughed in my face and said he didn’t care that I said I was hurt by his actions towards me.
To top off my dissing Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde in front of staff and his peers, he will also hear that the clericals hosted a luncheon for me the day before I phoned in sick. I went and had a fabulous fun time. Former Coworker Friend came to the luncheon as did Brilliant Girl. And to add insult to injury, I also attended the housewarming yesterday of an employee in another department. So the only party I missed this week was the one Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde hosted in my so-called honor. And, if he asks why, my answer will be, “You freeze me out to the point where I retire 10 years ahead a schedule, then want to throw me a party. I don’t think so. Be real. Be honest with yourself and others. I am.”
Monday, August 23, 2010
Open House
So I got a telephone call from a coworker in another department. She asked if I was going to attend the Open House. “What open house?” I said. She said “An email just went out that says we are all invited to an Open House to celebrate your retirement.” SAY WHAT!
I open up Outlook and sure enough, there it was:
L____and S______ from the P__________ Department are retiring and will be leaving soon. For those of you that know and/or work with them, please join us for an ‘open house’ in the P__________ Department Thursday, August 26, from 3:00 to 4:00 p.m. Refreshments will be available.”
What a nerve.
I thought I made it clear in my conversation with Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde’s mouthpiece, the Weasly Klansman, as blogged in my August 12 post, that I’m only sliding the chute because OF Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde and that, under the circumstances, it would be disingenuous of him to host a party. Besides, his only reason for doing so would be to have another opportunity to put on one of his performances; promote himself as such a great caring magnanimous leader, and I just can’t take any more of his phony sincerity.
So, in response to the coworker who telephoned, I replied, “I won’t be there. I just can’t do it.”
In fact, the last two weekends have been spoiled by images of Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde. I can’t get him out of my head. I keep seeing his smug face and hearing his voice when he said and did hurtful things … like when he gave credit for my accomplishments to other departments and when he left me out of training pertinent to my position and made me beg him … and when he talked down to me as though I were an idiot when I asked a question … and how he did not support me when I asked for his help in dealing with his buddies in IT when the website was down for four months … and when I asked for his help with the obnoxious temp. He’s totally just screwed up my work flow and the work flow of the department. I was there for him and he used me and hurt me and failed me and everyone else in every way possible, so I’ve reached the point where I am so disgusted by him and so disgusted with him that I want nothing more to do with him. I’m polite, as always. I do my job as always, but I am otherwise as cold and distant as cold and distant can be, and I’m really struggling to heal and get beyond how I feel about him. To go to this party would just damage me further, so I’m not going. I will be calling in with a migraine that day. If it embarrasses him and makes him look bad tough. He didn’t care when he hurt me. Now it’s me who doesn’t care.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Body Count
So pink slips came down on Monday. We lost 10 drivers, 6 mechanics, 1 Human Resources Specialist, and 1 clerk from another location. Considering we have over 600 employees, that’s not as big a blood bath as we were expecting and, as far as I can tell, everything was done by the books with the last hired being the ones to go. No management positions were eliminated. Go figure. At any rate, I’ve only got 11 days, 2 Fridays, 2 Mondays, 2 Staff Note Submittals, 1 Web Posting to go before I slide the chute and start my permanent vacation and never have to think of Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde or the Plantation/Island of Misfit Toys ever again. Thank you Baby Jesus!!!
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Sliding the Chute
So today, Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde went to senior staff meeting. When he came back, he called his new best friend, Mean Specialist Mistress, into his office. They closed the door, but spoke only briefly before she came out. A short while later, Director Mistress approached me and said Mean Specialist Mistress said Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde wants to do something for our retirement. I said, “Absolutely not.” Director Mistress said, “It would just be cake and people coming and going for about two hours.” I said, “You can do what you like, but I just can’t do it. Just let me know which day so I can call in sick.”
After that, my head started hurting. It progressed to the migraine stage. THEN I felt like I was going to throw up. After all those bodily reactions to the mere thought of letting myself be involved in another one of Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde’s performances passed, it occurred to me that it wasn’t even his idea. He is so self-obsessed that he is completely oblivious to his team unless and until it’s something that reflects back on himself and puts him in a good light. So what I’m thinking is that someone at senior staff asked, “Are you going to do something for them?” THAT’s when Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde became aware and he probably made something up on the fly, as he always does — “Why sure. We’re having cake and you’re all invited.” Then he flew back down here and got Mean Specialist Mistress on it. That would be his modus operandi.
Later, directly after Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde’s personal staff meeting, Weasely Klansman comes over and asks me, “So what are you doing?” I thought he was asking what I was going to do after I retired, so I said, “Whatever spirit wants me to do.” He said, “No. About the party.” I said, “You guys can party all you like, but I won’t be there.”
“Why?” asks Weasely Klansman.
“Because it’s not really a retirement. I wasn’t planning on retiring for another ten years. What it is is what that Jet Blue flight attendant did — he reached the point where he’d had enough and he “Slid the chute. He got the heck out, and that’s what I’m doing, sliding the chute, and that’s nothing to be celebrated.”
“It could be,” Weasely Klansman said.
“You guys can party all you want, but I won’t be there listening to the fake sincerity,” I replied and what I meant was Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde’s fake sincerity.
I promise you — if anyone starts feeling sorry for Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde and starts talking about my being mean and embarrassing him and hurting his feelings, I’m gong to remind them that when I went in to talk to Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde about how hurt I was that he had given credit to his buddies in IT and in Marketing for the website activities I’d been handling since 2004 and for the department intranet I developed, that Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde’s response was to laugh in my face, lean back in his chair with a smug look on his face, shrug his shoulders in a “so what” gesture, then actually say to me, “So what. You haven’t told me anything” and later that, “I don’t care.” So now it’s me who doesn’t care.
I don’t hold any ill will towards Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde and, unlike others on his staff, I do not hate him. It’s just that, I’m disgusted by him, I am disgusted with him, and I no longer care. In the words of a Gretchen Wilson song, My give-a-damn’s busted.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
28 Days – 4 Fridays – 4 Mondays – 1 Board Meeting
To go before I am officially retired and off the Plantation/Isle of Misfit Toys.
I did not want a retirement party per se because Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde aka Director Guy would have used it as a platform to promote himself — to show what a great guy he is, how magnanimous he is, and I don’t want to put myself in a position where I have to watch another one of his performances, his fake sincerity, nor have to listen to any more of his lies. I did agree, however, to a simple luncheon with coworker and a few of the other clericals. Daughter No. 2 works in the area, so she’s coming as well.
Manager Mistress also did not want a retirement party, for the same reason, and Mean Specialist Mistress is taking her to lunch.
Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde has done just as I imagined he would, which is he has not said one word to me about my taking the package nor addressed the reason for my taking the package nor the reason Manager Mistress is also taking the package. He’s just buried his head in the sand, like he does with everything, and is focusing on moving forward with new hires.
Manager Mistress is the happiest I’ve seen her in years. The cloud she had hanging over her which caused her to flip flop in her words, actions, and which caused her to become so vicious towards me at times has dissolved and she is now giddy with joy. I was asked if I wanted Manager Mistress invited to my luncheon, but I declined. It’s like I said in a prior post, though our communications are back to what appears to be normal, it’s not really. I’m just sort of going through the motions without any real feelings since her last blow up. Plus, I’m remembering how she has failed me in so many ways in the past — mainly having to do with the way she failed to do her supervisory duty and allowed the Mean Specialist Mistress to nag, badger, bully, abuse and misuse me. Manager Mistress asked me for my email address and telephone number so she could keep in contact. I gave it to her but hopefully she’ll lose it because I just want to put a period to everything and everyone that’s happened between January 6, 2004 and September 7, 2010, except for Brilliant Girl and Former Coworker, and go on with whatever else life has in store for me.
It occurred to me that since everything is in the body of God and since everything in a sense filters down and is a version of the body of God that the department is a body. When Former Coworker left in 2005, the heart of the body went with her. All the fun went out. When Brilliant Girl left in 2007, the brains of the body went with her. With me goes the soul, the light of the body, so what’s left is a dead thing, an empty lifeless shell.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Misfit Toys
So I had a revelation today. Since the old Massa left, the Plantation is no longer a Plantation per se, at least not for me. For others there is still the racism and abuse of authority, but my being targeted that particular way went out the door with Massa. Director Guy tries little things, like trying to bypass me on training for new procedures, giving me a comical performance appraisal or none at all, and he still has not apologized or attempted to rectify in any way, shape or manner my having managed the public website since 2004 and my having developed the intranet and his giving credit to the IT Department for both. But the foolishness Director Guy tries is mostly due to his incessant need to promote himself and to sacrifice his staff in order to win the good graces of colleagues and superiors. In other words, he’s just a dick.
But the revelation I had today was that the atmosphere has gone from racism and abuse of authority to the Island of Misfit Toys. Those of us who are able to take the package and get out are taking it and getting out. This includes the Nice Manager Mistress who decided she no longer wants to die the slow death of boredom and frustration and lack of appreciation experienced under Director Guy’s rule, plus she told me, “If you’re not here, I don’t want to be here.” That was sweet of her to say and it touched me but, though we’re back talking to each other as we did prior to the May 10 rage incident, I still have that sense that the incident had such a damaging affect on me that we just can’t go completely back to the way we were.
So as I was saying about the Island of Misfit Toys, those of us who are able to get out are getting out. What’s left are the broken, the clueless and the delusional — God’s misfit toys.
