REDNECK ETIQUETTE

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PERSONAL HYGIENE While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys. DINING OUT When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label. ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his manners are. DATING (Outside the Family) Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time. THEATER ETIQUETTE Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended. WEDDINGS Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot and, though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this Special occasion. DRIVING ETIQUETTE When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer. TIPS FOR ALL OCCASIONS If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

January 23, 1999
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